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Tuesday, June 14, 2016

7 Things That Changed Me After The Death Of My Mother

There's absolutely nothing in this world which can prepare you to lose both or either of your parents. Whatever stage of your life you must be in, losing a parent is a blow on your being. I believe it's bigger blow in adulthood, because you are at the point where you are actually friends with your mother. When you share everything with her from gossips to friends, to love, to breakups and much more...

I had also attained that age when I lost my mum, she had become a friend to me, someone who could see into my soul and could call me out in the most effective way.  Grief runs its course and it comes in stages, but I was not prepared for it to never fully go away.
  1. My phone is never on silent/vibrate mode anymore, because the last time I did that I missed the call that my mother was serious
  2. Her death have at times ripped the remainder of our family apart. I try my best to keep them all intact and close knit, but their are times when the going gets tough
  3. It hurts that my daughter didn’t get to experience her as a grandmother. She would have been the best Nani to my little angel. She would have enjoyed my childhood all over again with my daughter
  4. Post marriage a girl craves the most to have a mom's shoulder to lean on, to take in her advice on nitty gritties of life. I wish she was with me now, would have traded everything just to be with her.
  5. Don’t talk ill about your parents in front of me. You will get an earful about gratitude and appreciation. Respect them, value them, cherish them till they are alive. Get some perspective on how truly ephemeral life is.
  6. Life does go on, but there will be times even several years later, you will still break down like it happened yesterday. This happens with me at least once a day. I still remember things she asked me to not do but i did and regretted. Decisions she wanted me to take wisely but I jumped to conclusions and repented. It's not wrong when people say parents know best for their kids. 
  7. When I see my friends or even strangers with their mom , I sometimes feel jealous. Envious of the fact that they can share gossip with their mums, have food cooked by her, hug her tight, call her at any time of the day and say how much they love her..  Big life events are never ever the same again

Here I sit over 7 years later and still feel like calling her and sharing all the happenings of the day. Fill her in with the good and bad I am going through. 

Her death has forever changed me and how I look at the world. I have become more agitated and anxious in weird way. Trying to find solace in small little things now. Trying to make peace with the fact that she isn't alive but it's damn hard to forget the reason you are alive, the one who gave life to you.  I am trying to be a good mother to my daughter so that she is acutely aware of what memories can mean and how it will impact her life while I am on this earth. She deserves to know how much she is loved and when I am gone, what I teach and instill in her now, will be my legacy.

Monday, May 30, 2016

Motherhood: All Love Begins and Ends There

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.

As they say, “Hand that rocks the cradle rules the whole world” so rightly said. Mother’s hand that rocks the cradle rules the whole world.

Have any one of us ever thought that our Mothers are Invisible!!!!!!!!!!! Confused why am I saying this?? Come let me enlighten you all.

There was a legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

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Thursday, February 25, 2010

Maa..I Miss you alot

Maa…I Miss You

After a year of Misery, grief and pain, today I gathered my strength to pour my feelings into words. Recently a friend of mine lost her mother reason being Cancer, to which her body could not fight. Cancer the most dreadful disease to which my Maa also succumbed. When I was small if I scored less in exams, I used to think nothing more can happen then me getting beatings from Maa or Papa, and so many years have passed now and when anything bad happens I again think what more can happen. But I realized life follows its own course and worse can come in any form, I didn’t realize this until I lost my Mom a year back.

The pain was so inevitable I thought I can’t live with this, I cried for days and nights and I asked thousand times why this happened to us to me, to my siblings and moreover why my Papa had to loose his partner, his love, his life!!!!!! Still these questions hover over my mind and still I have no answers. Sometimes god behaves so strangely, he gives us Mother as he can’t be every where with us then why does he have to take back the most priced possession of a child, Maa!! Life since past 1year has changed a lot for me and my whole family. Our house doesn’t seem very welcoming without my Maa, but still we all try in our own ways to make it a special place to live, a place which my Maa dreamt of, full of love and care.

I used to think that something like this can never happen in my family, I knew that everybody has to go back to were he has come from, but as every child feels nothing can happen to my Parents same was my feeling. Suddenly not having my Mom with me shook all my beliefs and I realized the existence of Mother in my life. Since the day she is no more there have been so many incidences when I felt that some unknown energy is protecting me in adverse situations, I have felt a hand stopping me from falling, and my belief in her existence has come again. I know she is there beside me in every step I take and she protects me from this mean world every moment. Just a feeling that she is there has made my life a bit easy to live. I still remember the sweet smile on my mothers face as she slept with the pain away from her, resting in god’s arms. God needed another angel in the heavenly choir and that’s why she had to go. I never thought I would be comforting her, holding her hand and telling her not to worry.

She was a pillar of strength even until the end, fighting all life’s battles. She always reminded me to keep my faith in god and let god lead me on right path. I miss you more than these words could ever say. I am afraid of life now that you are gone because I always had a mother; I wish I would have got few more days, months, or years with you, I wish I would have prayed hard enough to make god give me my Maa back. Maa I will always walk on the right path taught by you and will continue to groom my soul; I will walk in footsteps you have walked before me. As now you sleep in the cradle of god, I am assured that when the gates of heaven open for me, I will see your smiling face, loving eyes, reunited once again we will be.

This blog is in remembrance of my Mom and a tribute to all the Mothers who had to leave their loved ones on earth and go to God because god needed them more. May there soul rest in Peace. May god give strength to one and all to fulfill the dreams of their Mothers. Love you Maa, May you be my Maa in all my lives.

Note- Trust me Parents are the best gift of god to a child, cherish them till the time they are alive. And Mother is the god’s closest angel which he sends on earth to protect and spread love to one and all. Till now if you have not acknowledged your love to your Mom, go and express, tell her she is so beautiful and how your life is worthless without her in it. My heartfelt bow to all the mothers!! Never do a deed which will make your parents feel that they have done something wrong by bringing you on this earth and given you a long life!!